watch the world fall down
by the alphabet soup
Summary: And as the sun dies they are watching, the three of them imagining a world in which there is an ending happier than this. Or, Marina is a young girl when her world falls apart and Stanley and Maren are there to help her pick up the pieces. Marina centric.


**Title:** watch the world fall down

**Summary:** And as the sun dies they are watching, the three of them imagining a world in which there is an ending happier than this. Or, Marina is a young girl when her world falls apart and Stanley and Maren are there to help her pick up the pieces. Marina centric.

**Pairings:** Technically none, but Stanrina and Sirina are implied.

**Note:** Each part is not necessarily in chronological order, so don't read it as if each event is happening directly after the one previous.

Shingeki no Kyojin crossover.

* * *

When I try to move my arms sometimes, they weigh too much to lift.  
I think you buried me awake (my one and only parting gift.)  
But you return to me at night  
Just when I think I may have fallen asleep.  
Your face is up against mine  
And I'm too terrified to speak.

"Epilogue" by The Antlers

* * *

i.

Blood curls around the smoke and the smell and the smell and the smell -

(it never goes away she sees it in her dreams as the flames take the house [maybe a mundane death is what Adelina desired but death at the hands of the titans feels so much more easier to grasp])

Dark eyes look into hers, eyes which she has come to consider one of her anchors, and Marina smiles at the owner. His hair is dark and falls past his shoulders (it is smooth to the touch, yet the ends are split and there are days when it looks like all the blood it has felt has seeped in). His skin is tanned from the sun and on his eyes thin eyelashes frame the anger which he feels.

The bed - like everything else of the Survey Corps - frays and the blankets are moth-bitten. The wood floor greets her feet with winter's chill when she steps on it despite the warmer months settling in. It is not usual that they share a bed. Not out of desire, but out of companionship for when the nightmares become too strong. Occasionally, Maren will join them and then there will be three lost souls who only desire the promise that they will live to see another day.

No words are spoken, but he knows - sees - the fear in her eyes so his arms gently envelop her. His chin rests on her brown, brown hair as her hands place themselves at his back, clutching the fabric of his shirt. "They never stop." The words are mumbled into his chest.

"I know," but his words fall awkwardly from his lips because even after years he is still wary about giving affection. "But they will." It, as they both know, is an empty promise.

.

ii.

The blades slice into the titan's nape, the titan's skin steaming as Marina lands onto the nearest house - one with falling shingles and bloodstained bricks, and she thinks once it might have protected a newborn baby waiting for their mother - and a sigh escapes her lips. She does not watch as the giant falls to the bloodied ground.

Stanley joins her. "Not too bad." The compliment rolls of his tongue disguised as a sarcastic remark. She manages a grim smile.

"Two on your left," she warns, "I'll take the right one." She presses the switches on her gear, firing the cables into the side of a house and swinging herself off the roof as she hears him follow. Hands, massive hands, reach up, straining to grab the wire and her heart sinks -

Maren spins, blades flying as the titan's flesh evaporates into the sky, but this one's lifeless body waits to fall to the cobbled street before disintegrating. Marina inhales, trying to slow her breaths as her face heats up from fear. So close.

Once her feet touch the roof, she dares a look up at the sky as the scents of sweat and blood intermingle before they reach her nose. Blue is splattered across the sky although dark clouds dot the horizon. Marina only hopes the rain will come after this. Her left foot steps back as her eyes scan the battlefield. Maren slices into the titans, a true prodigy barely rivalled by Stanley, her dark hair tied back. Watching her fight is something like a beautiful scene, but she knows she can never admire her friend for long.

A flare shoots up into the sky as Maren skids onto Marina's roof. "Already?" the other girl murmurs, her eyes sweeping over Marina. "You okay?"

"I'm okay. Come on, let's get back to headquarters." She swings off the roof, followed by Stanley and Maren, and the fear stretches back into her bones as she leaves the battlefield. Her fingers shake.

* * *

Rain taps the windows, the sound searing into her brain yet her eyes do not close although she cannot see anything outside the opaque window. Goosebumps rise on her arms and legs; cold settles around her body as her mind flashes back to the panic. The fear. The realization she is going to die fighting an enemy humanity is never going to defeat.

Maren tells her to have hope, but hope is a luxury not even Maren has access to.

.

iii.

Bodies arc into something almost identifiable as blades pierce flesh, bone, and particles of foreign substances whose only drive is kill (but why, they will never know because the world can only go on for so much longer). Fingers blister and feet grow calloused and lips are met only with fear as the words spill out even though now is not the time to mourn.

"_Naveen_!"

The world pauses for a moment as the foreign blood evaporates into the air as blades miss the flesh of a titan whose eyes are soulless and bottomless pits. Handles of blades slip, falling onto the ground as the world pauses and Marina thinks, realizes, that the person who was killed was not Naveen but the ghost of the girl she once knew.

"_Naveen_!"

Letters escape her lips and tears escape her eyes and the world falls apart underneath her feet and she decides that now is the time to mourn. Legs give way and knees hit the shingles and gasps - broken, jarred things - shake her body as only the effects replay in her mind. Legs then feet then outline then nothing then nothing then then then -

The world ends quietly.

.

iv.

Their bodies fit like puzzle pieces. Her and Stanley and Maren are three people with the same mindset and the same desire and the same fear. Backs end against backs most of the time, but when the nights are full of crying and screaming they will hold each other because no one else is willing and theirs are the only arms which they trust.

Their hands carve valleys into the skin as they trace the lines on their palms. Such intimate gestures should feel out of place, but all three of them have grown used to the idea that they are less of individuals and more of the same person. Their eyes reflect the same clouds on the stormy horizon, and they will begin another day as people who are destined to die.

.

v.

Black hair falls to his shoulders even at the tender age of thirteen, and his dark eyes tell of tragedies he has not yet faced - or perhaps he is imagining they had never happened. His chapped lips curve in a smirk as his back straightens as if to impress her. "Stanley Worthington." The name falls like she should praise it, and Marina almost responds before a snort erupts from somewhere behind him. A girl with light brown skin steps out, her gray eyes clouded with emotions Marina cannot decipher, and looks down at Stanley. She looks the same age as he.

"Give up, Stanley." The girl's dark hair is tied back and she looks like royalty with her high cheek bones and a cool composure. His dark eyes regard her with annoyance, but he doesn't say anything else to the strange girl.

"What's your name?" He asks Marina. She bites her lip, uncertain, as her eyes drift over the barracks. The building isn't exactly in disrepair, but it has definitely seen better days. The scent of smoke (something cooking, probably) fills her lungs and she has the desire to shrink back and imagine this is not happening and she is not here. But she doesn't. Her gaze flits back to the boy with scars that don't match his eyes.

"Marina." Her tongue forms the words but her voice doesn't quite allow them to lift up from the ground, so he cocks his head and she repeats herself.

"Which branch?"

She supposes she shouldn't be surprised by his question; they all have a military branch they want (need) to join, but such a question feels strange on his mouth and she knows any answer she might give will not fit right between her lips. Her hesitance gives him enough of an answer; however, and he just gives her that cocky grin that doesn't fit right on his face. "I'm joining the Survey Corps. Really, there's no question about it." The last lines of his statement he doesn't say, but the haunted look in his eyes that is nearly invisible says enough.

"I am, too," The other girl says. "I'm Maren." she adds and offers her hand. Marina shakes it and finds Maren's hand is all callouses with stories to tell. She doesn't know if she wants to know the stories, but she cannot deny she is curious. Neither answers (if they could be called that) were given with wariness, and it makes Marina wonder for just a little while.

"You aren't afraid of the titans?" she asks with a mousy voice that she knows - swears - she will allow to grow with confidence. Her brown eyes dart between the two, waiting for an answer as if it is the most important thing in the world. And, in a sense, it is.

"No," Maren says with assurance. "we don't have room for fear anymore."

.

vi.

On the day of the graduation ceremony three years later, Marina stands with Naveen, Stanley, and Maren in the middle of an outdoor section where the walls are made of broken promises and the screams of the dead. She sees others from the 213th Trainee Squad but not many. They were too afraid, or they, if they ranked in the top ten, joined the Military Police. She herself was terrified of the Survey Corps for a long time. She was terrified of dying but in the end she decided that she would rather die with purpose than indulgence. Having her friends by her side didn't hurt, either.

Naveen slips his hand into hers, squeezing it, and offers her a smile which she returns. She is afraid to lose him more than anyone perhaps, but she knows, deep down, dying at the hands of the titans is inevitable. Marina just hopes that they will be given time before they are pulled away from each other for a final time.

As Pittacus Lore officially announces them as new recruits of the Survey Corps, Marina feels a familiar fear sink into her skin that is all too similar to the terror she felt the night Adelina ceased to be a human being. But she ignores it with all of her being and stands tall, proud, because she must if she is to remain more than a memory in this world of monsters.

.

vii.

Maren's hands are still calloused even after five years. Marina can feel the slight ripples in the skin where cuts have knitted into scars and she can feel the rough skin where Maren held her 3D Maneuver Gear for too long. Marina can tell that the rest of Maren's skin is scarred not by touch but by sight. Like everyone else, marks from her gear is left in her skin that almost coincide with jagged scars underneath. Her light brown skin is darker in some places where the rays of sun have touched and lighter in others. She is beautiful.

The bed on which they sit cross legged is Marina's. The two wait for Stanley - although they stopped waiting an hour ago and preoccupied themselves with light conversation while the Asian boy did God knows what (Marina would assume he's boasting to the younger recruits) - and in the gaps their hands found each other. It is a comfort to know Maren is there, will always be there.

Marina's eyes fall upon Maren's lips as the other girl speaks. They are not chapped like hers or Stanley's, but they are smooth and push the words away fluidly. Once, Marina imagined kissing Maren just to see what her lips tasted like. Sometimes she still dreams of kissing the other girl's lips and of laughing with her as their fingers entwine. Sometimes she dreams of kissing Stanley's lips as well, and sometimes she imagines that his lips taste sweet while Maren's taste sour. But it has been a long time since she consciously thought about kissing either of the two. She is too afraid after Naveen's death.

But the thoughts still sneak up on her while Stanley is telling a wildly exaggerated story and when Maren is laughing despite herself.

.

viii.

"Katarina, my mother, was in the Survey Corps."

The stillness of the room is out of place and the quietness of the world outside is eerie. Maren leans on the wall of the room, near where Marina sits against her bunk. Stanley lies on his bunk above Marina's. They are the only people in the room but it feels as if there are so many more. "When I was ten, she was eaten by a titan. I wasn't there but-" Maren pauses and Marina lifts her head to see how Maren, even now after ten years, is choking on her words. She pretends not to see the tears which begin to form in Maren's eyes.

"I could see her dying in front of me. I would dream about her body being ripped apart by giant hands. Sometimes the titan had brown hair, sometimes it didn't have hair at all, and sometimes it ate her whole while -" She pauses again, and this time she cannot stifle the horrid sob that escapes her mouth. Watching Maren fall apart is something Marina cannot bear to do, but she does because she would be failing as a friend if she didn't.

"Sometimes it breaks her bones before eating her. Sometimes her body is pulled apart before it eats her." Maren's voice is quiet now but she still tries to keep her voice steady. Marina watches as Maren furiously wipes the tears from her face. "So I joined the Survey Corps so I could feel like she was with me again."

There is a pause. No one says anything because there is no need for words right now. All they need to do is think.

Stanley is the next to speak up. "My uncle, Sandor was killed when the titans broke through Wall Maria a second time. He had twisted his ankle while we tried to escape, and before we knew it a titan was hovering over us. He told me to run and save myself." Stanley doesn't say anymore; the silence fills in the gaps in his story for him. The air feels heavy with weight now. The weight of Katarina, of Sandor, and of the past Survey Corps members who died before them.

Then Marina speaks with a low, yet steady voice. It is like she promised herself those years ago; she has finally broken out of her terrified spell. "My mother, Adelina, wasn't killed by the titans," She pauses to collect her words as the scent of smoke fills her lungs again. She can feel the heat of the fire caress her arms and try to pull her in, but she resists. "she died in a house fire. I got out with my little sister, Ella, but Adelina was stuck in there. I didn't know she had been caught in her room; if I had maybe I could have-" She stops. The words are building up against her mouth, as are the tears, and she can hear the screams of her sister, of Adelina, of herself in her ears. "-I could have-" She can't get the words out so she stops. She lets the other two fill in the blanks.

The silence spreads out between them before Stanley speaks up. "Why'd you join?" he asks with a voice so monotone she knows he's trying to hold back his own emotions.

"So I could protect my little sister." And it's true. All she wants is Ella to be safe. All she has never wanted are Ella's sweet eyes to never look upon another death ever again. He seems to accept the answer; the silence fills the room for a final time.

.

ix.

Ella's eyes are as round as the moon which the young girl looks up at so often. Her lips form a smile that Marina is quick to mirror. "Has Mom finished supper yet?" Ella asks as she peers out Marina's bedroom window. The streets spill out in front of their house and for a moment everything is so peaceful and calm.

"Not yet." Marina replies but her voice is distant because her mind is elsewhere. She faintly remembers that the Survey Corps is coming back from their expedition beyond the walls today, but she doesn't want to see them. Of course she is amazed, enthralled by them, but she wants to spend her time with Ella and Mom. She doesn't know why but she feels as if she won't be able to be with them much longer. "You should go help her."

"You have to help, too, Marina!" Ella protests but the smile never leaves her face. Her auburn hair is tied in a neat braid done by Marina. She's been practicing, and she intends to teach Ella once her sister has the patience for it.

"I will." An idea pops into her head. "I know! We can pick flowers for her later!"

Ella's face lights up as her smile grows. "Really?"

"Really." Marina promises and stands up from her chair. She can't shake off the feeling that something is going to happen today, but she knows that whatever it is she, Ella, and Mom are going to be fine.

.

x.

The three graves consist of stones sticking into the ground with fresh flowers beside them. The leftmost grave is for Adelina while the rightmost grave is for Sandor. The one in the middle is for Katarina. None of their bodies are buried there - there _were_ no bodies to bury to begin with - but having a grave feels better than nothing at all. A gentle breeze ruffles the petals of the flowers and scatters the seeds of the ones still attached to their roots. The breeze is a cooling one; Marina is more than thankful for it.

Another grave stands off to the side for Naveen. The stone Marina used for his grave is smaller than the one used for Adelina, but it is more polished. The flowers at his grave are the same, but there the grass is nearly the same shade as his eyes. A tear threatens to fall down Marina's face, but she manages to stop it from going anywhere. Today is not a day for crying.

On her right, Maren takes Marina's hand and squeezes. Stanley does the same on her left. The sun, Marina notices when she looks up, is setting in the distance. All three of them are still in their uniforms but they couldn't be bothered to change. Wearing their uniform is a necessary part of acknowledging the deceased.

"For them."

Marina cannot bear to say their names, for if she does the tears will fall and she won't be able to stop. Still, Stanley and Maren repeat her words. "For them." And as the sun dies they are watching, the three of them imagining a world in which there is an ending happier than this.


End file.
